Taco Bell Beefy 5 Layer Burrito

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You wake up early in the morning and you’re packing your lunch. It’s been a minute since you went to the grocery store, so you find yourself packing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the ass-end of an old bag of chips, that goddamned apple that you know you’re never going to eat, and a (possibly expired) cup of yogurt that ends up being the only thing you look forward to in your lunch. As the day goes on… you realize more and more that “Fuck this lunch” has gone through your mind one too many times. But you’re too broke to go get some fast food that will be even remotely filling. Even if you had $2, dollar menus just don’t cut it. This is a serious white-people problem that many folks face on a constant basis. But friends, there’s a remedy for this. It takes a little bit of resourcefulness on your part, but it can be done. First, you need to come up with $1.49… but we’ll say $1.60 to cover tax. If you’re a real badass you’ll scrounge up $3.20, making you worthy of the Snort Ramen Honorary Badge of Hustlin’… but $1.60 should suffice for the rest of you. That can be a bit of work if you’re at a dead $0… but I have faith in you. Check your car, eyeball the ground, look in other people’s desks when they’re away, and hit up the penny tray at gas stations. Once you’ve obtained your $1.60, take your ass over to Taco Bell.

When you get to Taco Bell, you tell that person working the counter you want a fucking Beefy 5 Layer Burrito and to GRILL THAT SHIT (yelling this last part is crucial to the process). If they look at you funny, slam your palm down on the counter and say it again LOUDER. Receive Beefy Burrito. What you now posses is a sizable burrito with the ingredients of meef (the scientific term for Taco Bell beef), beans, cheddar cheese, sour cream, and a layer of nacho cheese sauce. That nacho cheese is what sets this thing off, and it’s like a warm hug from the processed cheese gods. Be forewarned though, you have to be a Master of the Burrito Handling Arts (we’ll write up more on this process later) or this thing will fall apart on you. What you will come to find is that this $1.49 (plus tax) burrito is rather satisfying and dirt cheap and probably one of the better filling-to-price deals they have.  There’s something about Taco Bell products that make them expand like wildfire in your stomach and fill you up. Although, if you’re a heavyweight such as us here at Snort Ramen… you’ll need that $3.20 we talked about earlier so you can get two 5 Layer Beefy Burritos because we like to leave Taco Bell feeling like we accomplished something significant. And as always, slather your burrito in both Hot and Fire sauce. In conclusion, for a cheap, tasty, and filling meal… you’ll want to get a grilled Beefy 5 Layer Burrito.

One Response to “Taco Bell Beefy 5 Layer Burrito”

  1. Zero107

    “Fuck this lunch” Indeed. I’ve scavenged $4 for this exact same reason last week, since my lunch consisted of a ziplock bag of carrots, broccoli, and a few raw mushrooms (don’t ask). Took a change jar, a crumpled dollar I found in somebody else’s pants pocket, and a VISA gift card with $1.60 on it to get my ass over to Taco Bell, and indulge in the deliciousness that is the motherfucking Beefy 5-Layer burrito. Got 2 of them, and a free large Baja Blast since the cashier knows me from all the late night, red-eyed visits. Never thought to ask for it grilled though. I’ll definitely have to try that. Good shit, Snort Ramen. Good shit.


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