We were somewhere along the interstate when the drugs began to take hold. Myself along with my attorney and captain, Planet of the Crepes, were busy fighting off the blood sucking bats that kept swooping down over the convertible. We were trying our best to balance keeping the bats at bay along with driving on the right side of the road, but it’s hard to maintain control when you have 4 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that won’t shut the fuck up jammed into the backseat.
“This is a horrible place,” said the captain.
“The sky is full of bats, and we need to get these turtles some pizza before the mescaline kicks in,” he added.
“Aye,” I responded.
I jerked the steering wheel while swinging my flyswatter, nearly killing everyone while exiting the interstate.
“Jesus God, a dine in Pizza Hut,” I muttered.
The turtles starting moaning like cats in heat. They did a triple gainer out of the back seat and exploded from excitement. My attorney and I were in awe of the hallucinations, as Sailor Jack and his dog, Bingo, were inside the Pizza Hut smashing everything like a piñata. It was raining in pizza flavored salty snack mix. I look over at my attorney as he takes a hefty whiff from the ether rag. At this point Sailor Jack is staring at me with dead eyes as he whispers, “Buy the ticket, take the ride,” then explodes into a fiesta of intense spicy pizzeria flavor snack mix. This dine-in pizza hut is raining with peanuts, corn kernels (like corn nuts), crispy corn strips, pretzel pieces, and I’m tripping my nutsack off. The intensity of the pizza flavor is so intoxicating you want to fat kid every bag in sight and do lines of the remnants at the same time.
“It all makes sense,” the captain thought out loud.
“This snack captures the scenario if Sailor Jack and Bingo stayed up all night doing PCP and smashing a dine-in Pizza Hut with double edged blades of cosmic fury then exploding from the awesomeness,” he said.
“No wonder the turtles were vaporized. Put these snacks in the trunk and hand over that ether rag,” I said to the captain. ”Taste explosion, this snack is the real deal.”