Monthly Archives: May 2012

kettle jalapeno chips

Kettle Brand Jalapeno Chips

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Jalapeno is one of the best flavors known to man. Why you ask? Because it makes you EXPERIENCE your food. A long time ago I saw some dude perform solo at a pizza joint and he told us crowd folk “This next song is called ‘Hot Sauce Goddamn’. I wrote this song because I love [...]

cheetos salsa con queso

Cheetos Salsa con Queso

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I see you, Cheeto bag.  You don’t have to swing your dick in my face every time I walk in this fucking store.  I haven’t been avoiding you because I don’t like you, Cheeto bag.  I’ve been avoiding you because, well, I was just trying to space out all the Tex-Mex snacks, you know how [...]


Guest Review: Skeletor Reviews Hostess CupCakes

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Hostess CupCakes Review by Skeletor  People of Eternia! I stand before the galaxy and The Chosen Realm of SnortRamen… chosen by destiny and by the powers of Grayskull to review sweet snacks for their website of Ultimate JunkFood Power! This inevitable moment will transpire before your eyes, even as He-Man himself bears witness to it. [...]

coke sprite

Stoner Concoction: Ghetto Ginger Ale

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HamDog and I were sitting around riding the dragon towards the crimson eye and playing Ninja Gaiden while blasting Megadeth… and he turns to me and says “Hey PlanetOfTheCrepes, you heard about ghetto ginger ale?” “No, But I’ll tell you what… these dumbass swooping hawks are really pissing me off.” I said. “Yeah, those things [...]

little debbie oatmeal creme pies

Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies

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In the beginning there was nothing… then there were Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies. I don’t know of a single person who doesn’t thoroughly enjoy these things. Those who don’t deserves a swirly in a toilet that’s been upper-decked (for you super white folks that don’t know what upper-decking is… go Google it real quick [...]

sun chips garden salsa

Sun Chips – Garden Salsa

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Ramen Snorters, time for a simple rehash of a tested and true stonerrific snack.  The garden salsa Sun Chips, if you don’t already know, is truly a force to be reckoned with.  I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that everyone likes Sun Chips, but no one will claim Sun Chips as their favorite [...]

Lowreys Microwaveable Pork Rinds

Lowrey’s Microwaveable Pork Rinds

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Here’s one that I was highly skeptical about: microwaveable pork rinds. You put these things in the microwave like a bag of popcorn, and it “pops” pork rinds. It’s fucking forbidden sorcery if you ask me. But I’ve been known to play miniature golf with The Devil himself, so I decided to give them a [...]

m&m's pretzel

M&M’s Pretzel

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I walked into the corner store and looked around for a bit for something to review.  Everything I thought about getting was a Doritos snack and/or Mexican snack, which we’ve been doing too much of lately.  So I began to panic.  “Fuck, I wanted to try those Tapatio Doritos so bad, but what will the [...]

Food Stories Nominee for Excellence in Story Telling!

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Snort Ramen has been nominated for Food Stories Excellence in Story Telling!  We are very grateful considering we’ve only been in existence for almost a month.  We hope this is a sign of good things to come! Here’s how it works: 1. The nominee should visit the award site ( and leave a comment indicating [...]

Ralston Ghostbuster Cereal

RetroFeast: Ghostbusters Cereal

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Back in 1984, Earth was given one of the greatest things since the steam powered locomotive… and that thing was Ghostbusters. As the IMDB page says, the movie is about “three unemployed parapsychology professors who set up shop as a unique ghost removal service.” There are behemoth demon dogs, ghosts made of slime, giant marshmallow [...]


Bouratino Chersi Soda

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So I get home yesterday from my normal day of arson and fist flinging… and my awesome and bad-ass she-wife greeted me at the door with a weird looking Russian soda that she got at the European deli in town. It came in a glass bottle and the label said “Bouratino Chersi” underneath some Russian [...]

the fizz ice cream float cup

Stoner Concoction: The Fizz

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Last night I watched a rerun episode of ABC’s Shark Tank. In this particular episode there was an entrepreneur by the name of David Chodosh, a 51 year old toy maker who showed off a really neat product called “The Fizz”. It’s a fun product that combines the divine combination of soda pop and ice [...]

Hostess Chocolate Creme Twinkes

Chocolate Filled Twinkies

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Twinkies are the cat’s pajamas. These are one of those foods where you know they’re just air… but you spend your money on them anyway because your tongue likes to tango with them. So I was sitting here at my workstation, and suddenly I get a Skype from a co-worker downstairs that said “chocolate filled [...]


Utz Cheese Balls

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My cheese balls come in a fucking barrel. That’s right… clocking in at just over 2 lbs, Utz presents us with what we here at SnortRamen call the Tub of Cheesy Doom. You know, I used to be a Planters kind of guy, but 1. I recently discovered they were discontinued 2. these have more of [...]

HEB That Green Sauce

HEB That Green Sauce

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I’m not sure how Hulu handles all their advertisements, but if you live in the Texas area and you have Hulu plus, chances are you’ve see the ad for HEB’s That Green Sauce about 1,000 times.  If you’re like me, you get pretty annoyed the way Hulu tries to get you to interact with their [...]


RetroFeast: Doritos Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger

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If you’ve stumbled across this site, it’s likely that you’re the type of person that puts their fries inside their burger.  Maybe when you were a kid you put your Fritos inside your sandwich.  In 2009 when Doritos released a line of snacks under the name Late Night, you were able to reverse the roles and taste [...]

Doritos Salsa Rio

RetroFeast: Salsa Rio Doritos

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Back when Alf and Dinoriders ruled the Earth, Doritos unleashed the almighty Salsa Rio flavored tortilla chips. Now we’re not talking about the dumbass spicy nacho tomato 2012 limited edition throwback Salsa Rio chips. We’re in our pimped out DeLorean traveling back to the late 80s to experience the real deal… so pour your Colt45 [...]

hershey's cookies n' creme

Hershey’s Cookies n’ Creme

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Some people like white chocolate. Some people like extreme bitter chocolate. Today we’re delving into the world of white chocolate. The Hershey’s Cookies N’ Creme bar is the crack-cocaine of the candy bar world. If you ever woke up and said “You know what? I want to FEEL my cavities forming and be soothed at [...]

nintendo cereal system

RetroFeast: Nintendo Cereal System

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Breakfast cereal just isn’t the same as it used to be. Back in the day, going down the cereal aisle was the greatest fucking thing in a child’s life after the initial factory-smell-cloud of opening up a new action figure. When I was your age, cereal mascots were your overlords and told you how to [...]

nong shim shrimp crackers

Nong Shim Shrimp Crackers

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As I mentioned before, Asian groceries are the jam. 20lb bags of rice, family size bottles of Sriracha, broccoli as big as your head, and bags of dried chicken feet are all available to you and your family to love and enjoy. I really like perusing the salty snack/candy aisle of my local Asian grocery [...]

Barcel Chicharrones Chile & Lime

Barcel Chicharrones – Chile & Limon

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Alright guys listen up.  I have another Mexican snack to review from the makers of the almighty Takis.  Barcel brings you the delightful goodness of Chicharrones, the wheat flour snack that looks like pork rinds, tastes like pork rinds, but brother, it ain’t pork rinds.  It’s a wheat flour fluffy snack with that “oh so [...]

doritos jacked

Doritos Jacked: Enchilada Supreme / Smoky Chipotle BBQ

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So as my partner-in-crime HamDog explained earlier today, there’s two new flavors of Doritos available at your local Kroger to try FREE between 3pm – 8pm. That’s right, FREE… the one ingredient that makes every food better. After perusing online for the participating Kroger’s in my area, it didn’t show that the Kroger down the [...]

zotz candy


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If you like sour candy, you need to go get your hands on some Zotz. These are like the bastard children of Warheads and Pop Rocks. They’re little Italian candies that are your average hard candy on the outside, but nice and sour. In the center of these sour bombs is a powdery substance that [...]

doritos jacked

FREE Doritos Today!

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If you’re in a town with a Kroger, then be sure to head down there today between 3pm and 8pm.  Why, you ask? They’re giving away a free fucking bag of chips, that’s fucking why.  And what I’d do if I were you, is try something new, like the new Doritos Jacked.  Which come in [...]