Posts Tagged: chocolate


Terry’s Chocolate Orange

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After Willy Wonka (Wilder not Depp, because seriously stop it with the gritty fucking reboots already) killed all those kids in his candy funhouse of horrors and swindled Charlie into signing a confession (it’s in the fine print)… he fled to Florida where the cheap laborers have no chance of unionizing like those bastard Oompa [...]

cookies and creme twix

RetroFeast: Cookies-n-Creme Twix

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We all know and love our Twix candy bars.  They’re a mouthful of soft chewy delicious caramel chocolatey goodness, you can’t get much better than that, right?  Well if you remember the early 90′s, you’ll remember that Twix actually launched a campaign of different flavors to experiment with.  Aside from the original Caramel flavor, the [...]

nutella and go

Nutella & Go

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Nutella is great. You can’t go wrong with the phrase “hazelnut chocolate spread”… and if you think differently, then your opinion is wrong and you need your knuckles caned. It’s like the chocolate version of peanut butter (consistency-wise). Although if they ever make peanut butter and chocolate Nutella swirl spread, the sun will split in half [...]

twix icecream bars

Twix Ice Cream Bars

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One of the world’s most amazing candy bars is the Twix bar. The combination of cookie, caramel, and chocolate… it just reeks of win. It does more than reek of win, it’s crafted entirely of win and wizardry. Twix have stood the test of time and destroy just about any other candy bar that comes [...]


HamDog Vs PlanetoftheCrepes: Closing the Book on White Chocolate

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A chat session between the two Snort Ramen Olympiads. HamDog: 1, PlanetoftheCrepes: 0 [7/20/2012 9:39:35 AM] HamDog: so i ended up watching first blood 1 and 2 this weekend, and stallone’s son dies the next morning [7/20/2012 9:39:42 AM] HamDog: wtf [7/20/2012 9:40:30 AM] PlanetoftheCrepes: way to go man [7/20/2012 9:40:43 AM] HamDog: therefore, i [...]

mr goodbar

Mr Goodbar

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That’s right. Mr. Goodbar. I’ll be honest, the name and the packaging for this candy bar have never captivated me. In fact, it’s been a while since I’ve even had a Mr. Goodbar… and when I’d see these things at the convenient store I’d scoff at them. “Pffft!” I’d say to the Mr. Goodbars while [...]


Milky Way Simply Caramel

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Whooooooooooboy! This sonuvabitch is riiiiiiiiiiich! This candy bar was brought to our attention by our junkfood partner-in-crime Tanya over at Gas Station Gastronomy, and her review can be read here. Based on the picture posted, it appeared to just be a big block of caramel that is coated in chocolate. I love caramel, I love [...]


Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs

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One of the nice things about working an office job is that people will put out food and treats that they can’t/don’t want to eat for other people to take. The motherload usually comes right after Halloween or Easter… and you can’t take 2 steps without someone throwing candy at you. I’m guessing that my [...]



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Pocky is a simple, yet great sweet snack. All it is is a chocolate coated biscuit stick. Pretty basic and boring sounding, eh? Well, it certainly sounds like it is, but there’s something strange about Pocky that makes it awesome. Personally, I scoff at light snacking… it’s either stuff the shit out of your face [...]

snickers peanut butter

Snickers Peanut Butter

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Holy fucking fuck fuck.  Look no further.  This is the candy bar of the junk food Gods.  This is what The Bacon-Egg Cthulhu seeks.  Snickers was already an All-Star candy bar to begin with, but deciding to add peanut butter just brought a new King to the throne.  Chocolate and peanut butter together can do [...]

nutty bars

Little Debbie Nutty Bars

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Little Debbie makes some primo snacks. Just about everything they make is pure forbidden sorcery. When you eat a Little Debbie snack, you feel the magic go through your veins… making you an unstoppable force of jiu jitsu chokes and hadoukens. Today we will look at the almighty Nutty Bar and how it is the [...]


Guest Review: Skeletor Reviews Hostess CupCakes

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Hostess CupCakes Review by Skeletor  People of Eternia! I stand before the galaxy and The Chosen Realm of SnortRamen… chosen by destiny and by the powers of Grayskull to review sweet snacks for their website of Ultimate JunkFood Power! This inevitable moment will transpire before your eyes, even as He-Man himself bears witness to it. [...]

m&m's pretzel

M&M’s Pretzel

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I walked into the corner store and looked around for a bit for something to review.  Everything I thought about getting was a Doritos snack and/or Mexican snack, which we’ve been doing too much of lately.  So I began to panic.  “Fuck, I wanted to try those Tapatio Doritos so bad, but what will the [...]

Hostess Chocolate Creme Twinkes

Chocolate Filled Twinkies

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Twinkies are the cat’s pajamas. These are one of those foods where you know they’re just air… but you spend your money on them anyway because your tongue likes to tango with them. So I was sitting here at my workstation, and suddenly I get a Skype from a co-worker downstairs that said “chocolate filled [...]

hershey's cookies n' creme

Hershey’s Cookies n’ Creme

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Some people like white chocolate. Some people like extreme bitter chocolate. Today we’re delving into the world of white chocolate. The Hershey’s Cookies N’ Creme bar is the crack-cocaine of the candy bar world. If you ever woke up and said “You know what? I want to FEEL my cavities forming and be soothed at [...]

nestle crunch hershey's krackel

Chocolate & Crisped Rice Candy

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Chocolate bars with crisped rice. You have to wonder who the genius was that decided to put crisped rice into chocolate. That person deserves a bronze statue of them riding a towering stallion with a battleaxe in hand, with a plaque that says “I Hope To Fuck You’re Thankful, Earth.” Now while there’s nothing wrong [...]

heavenly hash eggs

Heaveny Hash Egg

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The Heavenly Hash Egg is a recent discovery for me. They get sent to my office from one of our remote workers in Texas. What this thing consists of is a fluffy marshmallowy goo, laced with almonds (big and small), and covered in chocolate. If the StayPuft Marshmallow Man picked his nose, this is what [...]