Rally’s Big Buford & Fries

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Rally’s is one of the greatest things in the entire world. For those that have never heard of Rally’s, you might be familiar with it’s evil twin Checkers. For those who have heard of neither, Google the closest location right now, get in your goddamn car, and go find one Harold & Kumar style. Rally’s/Checkers is a racing-themed fast food joint that offers some behemoth feasts for super low prices. They’re also one of the only fast food places with double drive-thru lanes… so if you’re by yourself, don’t be a moron and drive up to the window where your food has to be handed off through your passenger window. So many people bitch about this, but if people would just use their smartiness it wouldn’t be an issue. But unlike a lot of fast food burger places, they’re always generous with the toppings and all of the food boasts bold flavors. And almost always, they have a 2 for $3 or 2 for $4 deal on some pretty boss burgers. Today we will delve into two of Rally’s greatest creations: the Big Buford and the ungodly delicious seasoned fries.

The Big Buford: Holy fuck fuck. You talk about a killer fast food burger… this badboy is IT. This burger gifts you with double beef patties, double cheese, red onion, lettuce, tomato, pickle, ketchup, mustard, and mayonnaise. And the patties have a nice robust grilled flavor. This burger is motherfuckin’ AMERICA. The best part is that they’re usually on sale two for $4. One burger alone is pretty filling, but of course we Snort Ramen Olympiads aren’t penisy wimps and we don’t settle for just one of anything. When you polish off two Big Bufords, you really feel like you’ve accomplished something. In my opinion, this is the best fast food burger deal in the Universe.

The fries: Holy fuck fuck FUCK. If you have never had Rally’s fries… just clock the fuck out of life right now. According to the Snort Ramen Ultra Snacking Logic Laws and Bylaws, it is illegal and downright sinful to order from Rally’s/Checkers without getting an order of fries. These aren’t your average seasoned fries, my friends. It’s dividing by zero. No… it’s Sasquatch and the Loch Ness Monster working at CERN together imaging antimatter and then dividing it by zero to make zero-divisible antimatter cocktails. Then they drink those antimatter cocktails and the Universe becomes Sasqulochnessatch Mega Monster. These are the best fast food fries known to man, folks. Almost all other fast food joints that serve fries will sell you bland and soggy shitty potato strings… sometimes even at subarctic temperatures. Not Rally’s. What sets these fries off is that these are peppery and ALWAYS crunchy. Looking up home-made Rally’s fries recipes it appears that the ingredients include flour, pancake mix, club soda, pepper, ground ginger, dry mustard, and seasoning salt. Wait… PANCAKE MIX? No fucking wonder these fries are the jam! The words “pancake fries” just reek of super-win. I dare you to find a better fast food fry. If you don’t like Rally’s fries… then you need your stupid face shoved into a pit of lava.

In conclusion, the Rally’s Big Buford burger (remember, ALWAYS get two of them) and an order of Rally’s fries is a gold medal winning combo. Your tongue will feel so awesome that it will start wearing tiny tongue-sized shades, and your gut will be pleasantly full of rad. And again, for those that have never had Rally’s or Checkers… get your ass up from your computer chair and GO FIND ONE RIGHT NOW!

Rally’s Big Buford:

Rally’s Seasoned Fries:


One Response to “Rally’s Big Buford & Fries”

  1. Gas Station Gastronomy

    Hey guys! Why are you leaving your readership hanging? We want your mouth-watering words!


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