It’s 3am and the PBR neon across the room appears in a blurry double. Your gut is sloshing around from the four $3 pitchers of Michelob Amber Bock you downed on your own. Half of your brain says “I am pitcher more, one are need. Shit, I beer some is… want… need. *grumble*grumble*” while the other half says “take your drunk-ass somewhere and fuckin’ eat something!” So you stagger out of the bar trying to act cool, but you’re constantly giggling and walking to a 3/4 tempo. But now is the time… it’s time to decide what glorious greasy food you want to stuff your gullet with.
It’s scientific fact that the best post last-call foods are breakfast foods. Don’t fuckin’ act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. If there’s a Denny’s or IHOP in your area… you damn well bee-line for it after waddling drunk out of the bar. But either of these types of places will usually have long-ass lines of other drunkies waiting to be seated, or the food is just too expensive. But no other place serves breakfast and lunch items together at this hour. Wait… what’s that? Speak up McDonald’s… we can’t hear you. Oh? You’ve got this covered? Well shit yeah!
Before long, select locations around the US will get the royal McDonald’s last call menu. Apparently, the griddle system it currently employs cannot accommodate cooking eggs and burgers at the same time. It is only able to do so late at night. Why that is, I have no fucking clue. Maybe it’s a health code violation or something to make eggs next to burgers. Either way… they ain’t doing it now, but they’re going to make it so.
So before too long you’ll be able to roll your sozzled ass into McDonald’s at 3am and order a McGriddle without getting in a fist fight with the cashier. Surely you can make that extra $3 you saved by not getting another pitcher of Amber Bock go a long way at McDonald’s. We welcome this idea, and think it’s going to be just what the late night boozers need to top off their night. In fact, we recommend you pre-game at Taco Bell and then head over to McDonald’s to get the full effect. By morning, you’ll feel like a fucking gladiator. A terlit gladiator.
But you’re not a tr00 Snort Ramen Olympiad unless you take the plunge and get a post last-call MC10:35 AND McGangBang (bonus points for combining and making a 10:35McGutGangBangerDemonCougar) and combining breakfast, lunch, dinner, and booze all at the same time.