Lilly’s Roasted Jalapeno Hummus / The Future of Snort Ramen

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Well holy-ee shit… it’s a post from one of the slacker-ass slackers at Snort Ramen! By now it’s almost certain that you’ve totally forgotten about your old pals/the awesomeness that is HamDog and PlanetoftheCrepes. That’s fine. We have some tricks up our sleeves that will win you back eventually. Maybe. Hopefully. As we mentioned in a couple of previous posts, we know this site is becoming boring as fuck. We know the design sucks. We know it’s too wordy. It’s always “fuck” this, “[insert food] is the jam”, goddamn this food, Motorhead and Megadeth” that. Despite this juvenile horseshit… you love us. It’s okay, we know that and we love you right back. But then again, you also DON’T love the part of us that neglects you. We understand. In due time we’ll be back with a vengeance that will make you re-love us and hitting F5 on your web-browser every 15 minutes. But until then, you’ll have to settle for this (once again) wordy, but new, review. Now that the Holidays are upon us… HamDog and I have a little more free time on our hands… so hopefully we’ll all see something new and enticing soon. So here’s a goddamn review!

This item we’re reviewing is not necessarily a “junk food ” review… but it might as well be with the shit we dip into it. Some people may think that hummus is a dumbass hippie food, but us Snort Ramen olympiads beg to differ. Dip is where it’s at; from simple dairy-based ranch dip to the protein-rich badassery of hummus. It’s putting yummy food INTO more yummy food… and you rarely go wrong with that. Recently I discovered Lilly’s Roasted Jalapeno Hummus. I acquired part of an excess surplus while volunteering at the community kitchen I volunteer at (aka… “we have too much, take this shit home!”. OH. MY. GOD. PEOPLE. This hummus is THE shit and a bag of chips! And you’ll need TWO containers AND a bag of chips when you eat this stuff because each scoop of dip will be larger than your chip/cracker. I am actually sitting here with a full belly and a spicy tingle in my mouth from devouring 3/4ths of a container of this stuff in a 10 minute time frame. Sooooo gooooood. Fffffffuuuuuuuuck.

For those that don’t know… hummus is a Middle Eastern and Arabic food dip or spread made from cooked, mashed chickpeas blended with tahini, olive oil, lemon juice, salt and garlic. Yeah… sounds like it should also have some ground patchouli and stanky baja hoodie remnants in it, but it’s seriously good shit! Imagine a bean dip, but with garbanzo beans and an uber-mild citrus taste instead of shitty refried beans. Then add the burn of jalapenos. Mmmmmm!!! I’ve had plenty of hummus in my time (and my wife even knows the “secret” recipe for the locally-renowned hummus that the local ethnic food store in town makes)… but this stuff is the goddamn bee’s knees. The consistency is perfect: not too thick and not too thin. The blend of ingredients is perfect, and of course you get to EXPERIENCE your food with the roasted jalapenos. And it goes with lots of stuff. See… recently at my house we combined the ass-end of a bunch of bags of chips into a container of “bastardized trail-mix” that consisted of regular Sun Chips, pretzel twists, crunchy Cheetohs, bruschetta rounds (like cracker croutons), and even mini apple rice cakes. ALL OF THESE THINGS WORK WITH THIS HUMMUS. It’s like having jalapeno-[insert trail mix item]. Jalapeno Sun Chips. Jalapeno Cheetohs. Jalapeno Apple Rice Cakes (yeah, you may snarl at that now, but wait until you try it… unless you’re a total pussy). You can’t go wrong with jalapeno-ANYTHING with maybe the exception of jalapeno-chocolate or jalapeno-caramel. Just about everything else is fair game.

So if you’re looking for a filling, relatively healthy, awesome tasting food EXPERIENCE… get your grubby paws on some Lilly’s Roasted Jalapeno Hummus. You can dip anything from Ritz crackers to loaves of bread in the stuff, and step away from the container completely satisfied. You may have to endure the hippie crowds at a Trader-Joes or Whole Foods to get this stuff… but just remember your brass knuckles and bullwhip when you go, and exit the store with a container full of awesomeness that you can enjoy at home while jamming out to some Kyuss (because stoner/desert rock and jalapeno flavored food obviously go hand in hand).

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