Fuck Circus Peanuts

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circus peanuts

Folks, if you’ve ever face planted into a box of slightly moist styrofoam that sat in a banana distribution center for half a decade and inhaled said styrofoam… then you know what a circus peanut tastes like. Even by our standards, this candy is an abomination to the junk food world. It’s nothing like a peanut at all! Shit… where do we even begin?

Every store that sells circus peanuts looks like they’ve had the same bag since 1972. We’re not even sure if we’ve seen other people eat these things. And the flavor… what the fuck is up with that? Is it banana? Maybe… but not really. It’s more like oogienana. Even the Space Station astronauts can’t pinpoint the flavor. The texture is like a retarded marshmallow that turns to grit… and that’s just wrong on so many levels. It’s like your Stretch Armstrong doll crawled into a bowl of old shitty banana pudding, cut off his arm, sprinkled some sand on it, and was then sealed in a polyethylene bag. If you grinded up a circus peanut and smoked it, you’d have permanent nightmares of clowns and circus ringmasters fondling each other on a pile of rancid bananas. Where the fuck they even got the idea to mold these into and call them peanuts is beyond us.

So basically, if you hate yourself… then this is the candy for you. We’re into some pretty core junkfood, but circus peanuts are complete and utter fuckery. I think that we here at Snort Ramen can agree that this is one of our most hated candies. Goddamn you, circus peanuts. Goddamn your black heart.

This is what you're really getting when you eat circus peanuts.

This is what you’re really getting when you eat circus peanuts.

As for the rating, circus peanuts make the BEC ragefit:

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One Response to “Fuck Circus Peanuts”

  1. Velvetelvitron.com

    I won’t mention names, but I have seen a certain blogger stoned enough to eat these with gusto. Then again, he also squirted chocolate syrup all over some bread and said it was one of the best sandwiches ever.

    I can say no more.

    Reply

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