There’s a lot of different hot sauces out there. You have the tried and true Mexican restaurant table staples such as Tobasco, Cholula, and Tapatio. Then there are the more “collectible” types like the Ass Kickin’ line, Dave’s, Texas Pete, and Mad Dog. Then there’s the versatile sauces like Frank’s Red Hot and Sriracha. THEN you have the forbidden jungle-voodoo like Death By Stupidity and The Source. So many out there. So many can be reviewed. But as I stated earlier… my hot sauce comes with a motherfuckin’ skull keychain, and that’s what we’re reviewing today.
Actually, the keychain is the primary reason I bought Blair’s hot sauce the first time… and I commend Blair’s for the brilliant marketing idea. But not only do you get a gnarly little skull to dangle next to your Kroger Plus and PetSmart PetPerks cards, the sauce is flavorful and packs a punch. Last Christmas, I got a variety pack that consists of 4 different Blair’s sauces (see above image). Here are some brief reviews on these guys:
I’m also instating the “Fffuuu Factor”, which is hotness based on a scale of 1 – 10, 10 being the hottest.
Blair’s Jalapeno Death (Fffuuu Factor of 2): This is certainly not the hottest thing on the market, but very flavorful. The con with this stuff is that if you’re going for lots of heat, you’ll end up pouring out most of the bottle upon first use. That’s what I did… it was homemade taco night and I cracked open this bottle. I literally used almost half of the bottle on 4 tacos. The flavor was certainly there, but I wanted HEAT. Lots of jalapeno goodness, but could be hotter. My favorite thing is to fill the bottom of a glass with this stuff and pour a V8 over it. Or use it in a bloody mary. But be forewarned that this stuff goes really quick, which kind of sucks when it goes for $6 – $10 for 5oz (and why I recommend the 4-pack).
Blair’s Original Death (Fffuuu Factor of 4): The OG Blair’s sauce. What I like about this sauce is the garlicky taste to it. It’s kinda like Sriracha’s wimpy and watery 2nd cousin. Of course for a hot sauce labeled “original”, you can’t expect it to be super hot. In fact, you should just see anything labeled “original” as a Tobasco doppleganger (heat-wise). But the Original Death certainly has great flavor and makes burritos, bloody marys, and omelettes super awesome.
Blair’s Sudden Death (Fffuuu Factor of 6): With these four sauces being reviewed, this is where you start graduating from “dump the shit out of some hot sauce on your food” to “dash some hot sauce into the entire goddamn meal as you’re making it”. The flavor is still there with Sudden Death, but you non-Snort Ramen Olympiads certainly want start being a bit more conservative with it on your food in comparison to the OG and Jalapeno Death. I recommend adding this in squirts to chili, sloppy joes, and anything that combines meat and a crock-pot. This one is probably my favorite of the batch because it’s not too stupid-hot, enjoyable, and doesn’t make your nose run too much. It’s a perfect balance of heat and spiciness for a vinegar based hot sauce.
Blair’s After Death (Fffuu Factor of 8.5): What I love about Blair’s is that the garlicky flavor doesn’t get shafted with the higher you want your Scoville counts and toilet paper usage to be. You can see by the images that it gets darker, thicker, more evil, more grim, and more brutal the hotter you go. This is where you SHOULD be adding it in dashes to entire meals, but your inner retard makes you dash a healthy amount on a chip or some other vessel because you think “I can hang”… which is followed by consuming many gulps of milk straight from the jug. Seriously, we get it… you want to be a He-Man, and you certainly think you’re a He-Man (or She-Ra or Jem for the ladies). But use this one conservatively, enjoy the flavor, and don’t fuck up your intestines too bad.
So there you have it. Four fantastic hot sauces that you can find relatively easily, have good flavor, slaps your ass with some heat, and of course gifts your with a little skull keychain. If you come across these, I highly recommend checking them out. EXPERIENCE YOUR FOOD.
(BEC’s based on the 4-pack as a whole)